Why We Find Our Children Irresistibly Cute

My husband leaves for work at an ungodly hour, an hour in which there no glimmer of light in the sky. Either sometime before or just after this hour Thing 1 usually makes his way into our bed for snuggle and sleep time, he just doesn't get enough of me during the day. At precisely 6:45 the last several mornings Thing 2 makes a loud entrance by rattling the doorknob and whining to get in, I have taken to not shutting our door all the way to avoid this rude wake up. (Everyone who has ever had to wake me up in the morning will tell you that this is a very delicate procedure and in my college years I was known to drop 4 letter words and throw things.) Thing 1 and 2 have had colds/allergies this week so poor Thing 2 needed some cuddles this morning, life is hard at 2 1/2 don't ya know.

As she is snuggling in close and gently stroking my face with her sweet fingers Thing 1 says, and I quote, "Why does SHE have to come in here EVERY morning now, it is SOOOOO ANNOYING!" (Bear in mind he has been climbing into our bed every night for weeks now.) And thus our day began and continued in this manner until 6:15 or so this evening when I felt the sun was reasonably low enough in the sky to toss my children unceremoniously into bed.

This doesn't sound so cute, right? It's not, in spite of all my best parenting efforts it was just "one of those days." One in which, for whatever reason, the kids were miserable, whiny, fussy, argumentative, belligerent, defiant, tired, etc... Sometimes, everyone just has a bad day and it's a success to not throw in the towel and call a boarding school in Switzerland. But, as Anne Shirley reminds us, "Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it."

So why do we find our children so irresistibly cute? So unlike the wolf spider, hamsters, various aquarium fish and male polar bears, we won't be tempted to eat our own young.

My Child's Eyes

This is a picture of the lovely power plant we can see from our upstairs. We pass it when we head to the zoo so it's often a topic of conversation. Up until about 5 minutes ago when I googled a picture of it I thought it was nuclear, it's not. They are two separate plants, one coal and the other natural gas. That, however, has nothing relevant to do with this post. When I look at these plants Mordor often comes to mind. Both are also near the shipping yards, an area of scenery that is about as far from scenic as you can get. I often miss the coastline of Monterey when I see them out the car window.

ANYWAY, on a recent trip to the zoo we were playing, "Who can be the first to spot______?" It was a particularly clear day with a deep blue sky. As I was scanning for new things for the kids to find Thing 2 (names changed to protect the innocent) piped up from behind me, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy! Wook, they are COOKING THE CLOUDS!!!" The excitement in her sweet voice brought delight to my heart and laughter pouring out. When I saw these power plants I saw an eyesore, a blight on the already not so picturesque landscape. When my precious 2 year old saw them she saw a magic tower that was cooking the clouds, pouring huge white billows of them into the sky.

Juggling Chain Saws

I once gave a friend a card that said:

"Any idiot can juggle chain saws, it's the day to day balloon making that wears you out." ~Anton the Clown

There are many days when I feel like poor ol' Anton. Staying home with my kids so often can seem like balloon making, nothing ever changes. I referee the same fights, fix the same dino nuggets (what part of a chicken looks like a T-rex anyway?), change the same diapers, read the same books, wash the same dishes and then I wake up the next day and, TA DA, repeat. Again. Where is the joy in that? Up until about 6 weeks ago, there wasn't much.

Unlike my name, most of my life I have not felt very joyful. Depression started as a teenager/preteen and went undiagnosed. I had glimmers and moments of happiness but overall I felt sad, flat, uninteresting, uninterested and lonely. It wasn't until our oldest was 1 1/2 that I was actually diagnosed and put on medication. That plus therapy and things were better, for awhile. I went off medication when we wanted baby number two and in the four years since then there has been a gradual decline back into the great hole that depression feels like. About 6 weeks ago now I was at our doctors office for the baby's 4 month check up. When the doctor asked me how I was doing I nearly burst into tears. I made an appointment for a couple of days later and had another stare down with the hush hush word, depression.

Simply admitting to what I had known helped and I left the doctor, prescription in hand, and felt optimistic. I know that a little blue pill doesn't fix everything, not nearly, but it removes a road block to me finding myself again. In the first week after that appointment I laughed, and I mean I really laughed, for the first time in ages. (It's hard not to when a 5 year old gets a bag of dog poop stuck in a tree but that's another story.) I started to see the beauty in the world again. The mess in the house actually started to bother me. I realized what a disservice I was doing to my kids but just yelling at them and not parenting them. I was failing in "training them in the way they should go." I realized I had completely shut myself off from my husband and from God.

My days are still incredibly busy, simply making sure three kids are fed and reasonably clean is a full time job in itself! The difference is me, it's my heart, there is joy in it again. I laugh, I love stopping and seeing the world through my kids eyes, I love teaching my children. I miss my husband deeply when he is gone now and just sitting by him on the couch is a treat, something I don't take for granted anymore.

Maybe this post is a little deep but it is the pivotal event that brought me to even writing this blog. It's my life and it's really beautiful.

Focus

I've been thinking about starting a blog for quite some time but I couldn't decide what my focus would be. Kids? Homeschooling? Weight loss? Life as a Navy spouse? Trying to live in a more frugal manner? My conclusion was why pick one thing? My life is all these things and all combine to form my daily adventures, triumphs, struggles, wig-outs and moments of pure joy.

I currently live in Jacksonville, FL. Over the past 2 1/2 years we moved from CA and have since resided in GA, RI and now here. I'm the mom of 3 amazing children under the age of 6. Just before Christmas we added an 8 month old yellow lab to mix, I wasn't feeling busy or challenged enough. We recently decided to homeschool after a review of our finances proved what I had been suspecting, we couldn't afford private school and ever get out of debt. I am married to the hardest working most honorable man I know. We have an amazing love story, sometimes I need to remind myself of it though.

I want this blog to share my life with you. I often don't feel like I have amazing original thoughts and that I often resort to standing on the shoulders of giants but I hope that I can be an encouragement to those of you in the same boat, or one that is similar to mine.